on changing my mind

Over the past few days I’ve had a whole sequence of events that has led me to question my choice of the Celtic Wisdom deck for this PDR exercise. It can be a frustrating deck, primarily because the divinatory meanings given seem to have little (or in some cases absolutely no) connection to the story or myth attached to the card. I know the deck probably holds great wisdom and the artwork is divine, but I’m questioning how working with the deck will increase my understanding of tarot in general.

This has raised the issue for me of how often I tend to change my mind about things. I do change my mind A LOT. Where once I saw this a major character flaw, I’m beginning to understand how it can also be a gift. I say ‘beginning’ because for the most part I still see it as a flaw.

I decided to draw a card from the Celtic Wisdom deck to see what might underlie this constant mind-changing I experience. The card I drew was 10 Quest of Battle (10 of Swords). After spending some time with the card I became even more frustrated with the shortcomings of the minor arcana in this deck and now feel like it simply isn’t the right deck for me.

Last night I had a session reading for a friend. I read using the Hanson-Roberts deck and drew one card only. We also looked at her natal chart and astrological transits. The reading was fantastic. I’m no big fan of the Hanson-Roberts deck. I don’t particularly like the artwork, or the whole RWS clone thing, but I have to say it gives me amazing readings. To test it out as a possible contender for the PDR exercise I asked the same question….."What is behind my constant mind-changing?", and would you believe the card that came up was….the Ten of Swords!

Time to start listening I thought. So, in both decks these cards deal with an ending. In the Celtic Wisdom it is the story of rescuing Branwen and the ensuing strife and heartbreak that follows. The general divinatory theme is that the worst has been realised and everything has its season. Now we have experienced the end/pain/death, we can move on and start afresh. The Hanson-Roberts deck image has always been one card in this deck that I do really like. I mean, it’s not a great card to get, but I like how the theme is portrayed.

The first thing I notice when I look at this card is the string of red beads. Three beads remain on the string over the person’s head and one is at the end of the string while the other is loose on the ground. In the very foreground the earth is cracked and it would seem as if the beads could roll into the cracks. Obviously this card deals with the death or end of something. That’s VERY clear. But what remains? The sky is menacing, the tree is spookily bare, we can’t even see the face of the figure on the ground. Now, if I were to enter this card, I’d want to pick up those beads. I have no idea why, but to me they symbolise something. If beads are worn around the neck then perhaps they deal with the throat chakra, our means of expression. And given they are red, then perhaps we are dealing with expressing ourself in a tangible way. So if an idea or an interest of mine ‘dies’ and I choose to move forward, is this card saying I need to pick up what’s left (the knowledge perhaps) and take it with me in my next idea/quest/or whatever I begin?

Maybe the message in this card for me is not to focus on the end or the loss when my interest in something dies, but rather, to hold on to what I’ve got OUT OF that interest and move forward fearlessly knowing with each change I add more beads to the string, creating as time passes a necklace that expresses who I am. So in the interest of becoming interesting maybe it’s actually my ability to take on many and varied interests and ideas that will be what serves me well in the end.

I still need to decide on a PDR deck though, but this time I’m going to do that knowing that I’ll work with it only as long as it feels right, and then I’ll move on.