on feeling stuck

The last week or so I’ve felt an unbearable sense of being stuck as well as a glum feeling that seems to just surround me. This of course is not helped by the oppressive humidity of the season, something my body seems physically unprepared to deal with effectively, and with no respite in sight for at least another week according to the weather bureau. Not that I’m complaining. Logically, I know I have a good life with nothing to feel glum about. And yet, I feel stuck. Everything I started in the New Year, from ideas, to projects, to plans, have all come to a grinding halt. I feel unmotivated to do anything. Even tarot, which is usually the one thing that is a constant, has lost interest for me. I just want to hide away from it all.

I thought perhaps drawing a card might be in order and so I got out my Hanson-Roberts deck. The Fool pretty much jumped out. I’ve no idea what to make of it so I’m just going to start typing and see where it leads me. I’ve included an image below.

To begin I must say that this particular fool in this deck is one of my least favourite ever. The face annoys me. I kind of want to knock him over, but perhaps that’s just my current state of mind. At first when I got this deck I didn’t even notice he had legs and it was almost as if it was some kind of midget fool. This deck incidentally annoys me a lot but it reads so well and particularly when I read for myself, so I’ve decided to overlook the fact that the style of illustration is not to my usual taste. So, back to the Hanson-Roberts fool:

His shirt is red, perhaps indicating that he is grounded, rather than being tied up with ideas and plans. Although the Fool is generally aligned to air, this fool is perhaps more grounded, not that we can see his feet on the ground though. He is looking upward rather than straight ahead. I get a sense that he is looking for a sign from above. His posture would indicate movement and he seems packed ready to go, albeit lightly packed.

I usually associate the fool with the excitement of new beginnings, the ability to leave your cares behind and move forward fearlessly, and to take risks, and this card stay true to most of that sentiment. And yet what a strange card to draw when I’m feeling so stuck and weighed down. Because I didn’t ask the cards ‘what should I do?’ which would have made the Fools appearance understandable, rather I asked ‘why am I feeling so stuck?’ This makes the fool much more confusing to me.

I’m determined to limit my readings to one card only; otherwise I go off from card to card and never get to the bottom of the real meaning/issue. So as tempting as it is to draw another card I will not. What does this fool have to say to me now? Am I stuck because there is no new beginning in the near future? Not really, lots of changes and things happening right now for me. So, am I feeling stuck because there are lots of changes, perhaps too many? Am I trying to resist an inevitable change or an inevitable movement forward? Do I have my head in the air because I don’t want to focus on the reality of the moment? I do tend to go from one thing to the next as often as the wind changes. Perhaps I’m feeling stuck because I’m waiting for some kind of sign. This fool looks upward, not straight out to the future, but upward to the sky, perhaps looking for a sign or some kind of spiritual guidance or connection with the higher self. Is that what he’s moving towards? I’m no symbolism expert but I’m guessing the white rose is somehow linked to pure love, or pure heart. Maybe that’s my issue? I’m not even looking at that (well, the fool in the card isn’t anyway). Maybe I’ve just been wandering aimlessly like the fool for too long. Maybe for me, the risk, or the new beginning, is just to stand still. Maybe my stuck feeling is from feeling like I’m stuck walking around in circles, making the same ‘new’ starts over and over again. Perhaps if I just stop and have a look at where I am, I’ll see a view that I’ve never noticed before and feel a new sense of freedom. Perhaps for me, I don’t need to take a leap at all, instead, maybe I just need to stay still for awhile. Now that is risky.

Incidentally, if I compare this fool to the Fool card in the Celtic Wisdom deck, known as ‘The Soul’, the difference is quite interesting. In the Celtic Wisdom deck the Fool is taking an inner journey. Could this mean that all my ‘busyness’ and constant movement and change, especially my levels of mental activity, is what is proving to be a burden for me. Perhaps the key is to just lie down and take a rest and see what’s here for me now. Perhaps looking upward for a sign or guidance is futile and what I need to do is to slow down and look within.