on coming full circle

So it's been three and a half years since I last posted on this blog. Tarot and I have been 'on a break'. Reading back over the last few posts I made here feels like reliving the end of a once beautiful relationship. It was clear that I'd been trying to hold on to the world of tarot despite knowing that it wasn't going to work out. The truth was that I'd burnt out. I had lost the ability to see the world without using tarot as a lens. I had become obsessed with the systems behind tarot and became increasingly frustrated when I couldn't make them fit the world view I had at the time. I should have made a clean break sooner, but I'd invested so much. Ultimately it was futile to hold on any longer and we drifted apart.  I didn't want tarot to be who I was. I no longer wanted to be part of that world.

Druidcraft Tarot - Eight of Cups

The thing is...sometimes we don't get to choose our path, often it is the path that chooses us. Despite several years of focusing on other things, the pull of what is undeniably my passion has drawn me back. It's only now that I can recognise the emptiness I experienced when I wasn't connected to this world. Delving again into books on tarot, astrology, mythology, numerology, symbolism and other such delights has me feeling alive and excited about life. I've found my spark again. So now...what is one to do?

Frankly, I'm a hopeless blogger! I have blogs all over the place. I jump around from one project to the next, losing interest as fast as I find it. Persistently curious and hopelessly uncommitted, I drift aimlessly and achieve little. Looking back though now, with a good solid break under my belt, I begin to see the sum total of all my aimless wandering and am reassured to know it wasn't all in vain.

Several years ago I had reached a point with tarot where people where pushing me to make it into a business, to have it as my vocation, to use it to earn a living. I hated that. I'm fairly sure now that is part of what killed it for me. The realisation that it had become work. The joy had gone. Now I have a vocation and I don't need to find a way to earn money. As a result I can simply dabble away with tarot and such things for the pure pleasure of it.

My plan is to share my thoughts here, if and when I have anything of interest to say. I'm a teacher at heart and I feel like I need to share what I know with others, so I expect that may be my driving force. In many ways blogging is like speaking to the void. Is anyone listening? Does anyone care? Does it even matter?

Mythic Tarot - Wheel of Fortune

There has been a cyclic nature to my relationship with tarot. I can see it now throughout my life and all the more so for this recent break away. I was drawn to tarot via mythology and that is how I return to it now. I'm working with decks that were amongst the earliest I obtained and it definitely feels as if I've come full circle. I'm looking forward to seeing what having an extra layer of life will add to my understanding of these cards that I simply can't let go of.